An Experimental Life

Don't tell me to snap out of it

(This is the first part of what will eventually be a series of essays on bipolar and unipolar disorders, including treatments, both synthetic and homeopathic, and tips on coping with these illnesses for both sufferers and their friends and loved ones.)

Mental illness is often misunderstood and stigmatized, which is one reason I'm very open about having bipolar disorder (also called manic depression)--As long as people are ashamed of mental illness, the stigma will continue. Our illness does not define us, but it is a part of our daily lives.

Being a friend or family member of someone with bipolar disorder can be a challenge, especially for those who do not understand it--And many people, even the aforementioned family and friends, don't understand. "Well, everybody gets depressed," some say, "just snap out of it." These people do not fully understand what it is to have a physical disorder that affects their brain chemistry. See, the depression in manic-depression isn't just "feeling down," and mania isn't just being wired and excitable. The bipolar person's brain chemistry is wack, and that chemistry causes very real changes in perception and function. There are treatments, yes, but someone telling us to "snap out of it," isn't one of them.

Ever been so messed up on painkillers, or alcohol, or anything else that you were completely non-functional? That's the key phrase here: completely non-functional. If you were able to focus enough to perform daily tasks, you weren't messed up enough.

If that is the case, and if you have a friend or a loved on with a chemical imbalance, but really can't wrap your head around the fact that it isn't something they can control, let me give you an exercise to help you understand.

First, find a friend or two who are willing to be very mean to you, and have them read this essay and promise to help you with the exercise.

Now go buy a bottle of tequila, or vodka, or whatever alcoholic beverage you prefer. Go ahead. I'll wait. If you don't normally drink, do it just this once just for the purpose of the exercise.

Believe it or not, I am serious about this. If you truly care and want to understand what your bipolar friend or loved one is going through, but have never been so drunk, or under so much pain medication or some other substance that chemically altered your state of mind to the point at which you were essentially non-functional, you need to do this if you are serious about understanding what a person with a mood disorder goes through.

Or you can just admit that you don't really want to understand.

Now, assuming you've decided that you really want to understand, drink. (If you have two friends helping you, you should have the second one making drinks for you so that neither you nor your other friend are quite sure how much you are consuming. For safety, do this gradually and stop if you feel you are about to pass out.)

Drink until you can't walk straight. Drink until you start slurring your words, your vision gets blurry, and you have trouble seeing straight. Drink until you feel sick and want nothing more than to lay down, but when you do lay the room seems to spin around you, and it just makes things worse.

Now the friend comes in. He or she will now tell you something to the effect of, "Come on; just snap yourself out of it. Right now. Don't wait for the chemical in your body to metabolize and go away. Just. Stop. Being. Drunk."

Okay, that isn't working, but your friend needs to keep telling you anyway throughout this entire exercise, and act pissed off toward you when you can't do it. He should harass you mercilessly.

In the next phase of this exercise, your friend will decide that he or she knows how to force you to sober up.

Now it is time for your friend to pour coffee down your throat. If that makes you throw up, drink more alcohol. It is essential to this experience that you have large amounts of alcohol in your system for an extended period of time. (In fact, drink some more booze any time you start feeling less drunk, whether you've thrown up or not.) Why is he or she pouring coffee down your throat? Well, it's supposed to sober you up, isn't it? Just like when you tell someone suffering from a mood disorder, "Just go (fill in the blank) and you'll feel better," it is supposed to make their mood disorder stop affecting them.

You're still drunk, so now your friend is going to make you run around the building until you are gasping for breath and about about to fall down from exhaustion. This is yet another thing that is supposed to sober you up. You know it won't, and you won't want to do it, but your friend should drag you if need be.

Now drink just a little more.

After you've had some more to drink, your friend must force you into a cold shower. With your clothes on. After you are thoroughly cold and soaked, have another drink.

Sober yet? What's that, you say? Too much booze in your system for you to possibly sober up? The only way to sober up is to wait until the alcohol is out of your system?

Nope. You obviously just don't want to sober up. Just like people with chemical mood disorders don't want to stop being depressed, or manic, or whatever. By the way, at this point, you should be a cold, wet, tired, wide-awake, and very pissed off drunk.

Okay, end of exercise. Go sleep it off, and get through your hangover the next day as best you can. Of course, that may be difficult, because your friend will be there turning on lights, playing loud music, and yelling at you to get over your hangover, too.

Now imagine what life would be like if the alcohol were coming from inside your own body, and that you could never know when it was going to start or how much it would produce. Neither do you know how long it will last each time. It could be hours, days, weeks, months, or even years.

Congratulations. You now have some idea of what it is like to have bipolar disorder--To have chemicals in your body that can sometimes nearly incapacitate you, and to know that you can do very little about it except wait until they go away.

If, after this exercise, you ever again tell someone with a chemical mood disorder to, "just snap out it," I hope he or she beats the bejeezus out of you. You'll deserve it.